There has been a lot going on these past few days. I have debated about how much to write about, but I also know that there are so many of our loved friends and family that would love to know what has happened I also am so exhausted of telling the sad story that perhaps this will be a therapeutic exercise for me.
I first have to say that I know for certain when I look back on this time in my life I will remember it as one of the most spiritual times in my life. I truly feel surrounded by the Spirit each day and I have felt the Lords angels around me.
Shortly after learning I was pregnant about a week and a half ago, Derek and I realized that we had become one of the unlucky one tenth of of 100 people that experience an ectopic pregnancy. We didn't know anything about it and have been on a roller coaster of emotions after being fully educated. It truly is beyond any sadness I have ever experienced in my life. I have in the same moment been scared for my own life and even more heartbroken at the loss of one that will never be.
I will spare most of the details. For now we are still waiting for this all to be over. Because there is still a good possibility that I will have to have surgery, I will ask for your prayers and faith. I really need that more than anything. More than dinner, or babysitting. I need that comfort only the spirit can bring.
Right now it hurts to be standing in the Lords refining fire. It's hard to understand why the answer is no sometimes, but in the past, that has always been before the greatest blessings have come into my life. Until then, we will will continue to be patient and wait for another miracle to come our way.
28 comments:
Oh Char, I am so sorry. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things a couple can go through - it hurts so bad.
We're praying for you. I know the Lord will bless you with comfort and peace at this time.
How do you comfort a best friend whose heart is breaking?
You know I love you. I'd do anything for you.
What do I even say? I have been amazed by you and Derek. You have an amazing perspective amidst your deep heartache.
As I watched Easton the other day I became emotional more than once looking at him and thinking what a lucky boy he is to have such wonderful parents. Lucky to be so loved. Luckier still to have parents as full of faith as the two of you are. You are a light to all those who know you.
I love you. My prayers are with you.
Char- I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I don't know what it is like to lose a child, for that is what happened, and I started praying for you the second that I read your post. You are the most amazing mother. There are STILL times, and this is 4 years later, that I remember back on things that you did for Easton and think "I need to be more like Char!" Your time will come babe. I have no doubt about that. It is SO hard to be in the refiners fire- I too am in it right now- but I am thinking about you, and praying for you. I truly hope that everything goes alright and that the surgery, if you still have to have it, goes well and that you will be able to come out of this stronger. Darn it, it's always lessons that we have to learn! Dang those lessons! I wish that I could be there to give you dinner or babysit, but know that you and Derek have our prayers, and that we love you and are so grateful for the impact that you left on us in our lives for the short time that we were with each other. I love you!
Oh wow Charlyn. I too am at a loss for words. I most definitely will pray for you guys. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers will be with you guys.
Char, I can't stop thinking about you and all you must be going through. I am praying for you and I feel for you. I know Heavenly Father will bless you. As mothers you feel the sadness for other mothers when they are going through somthing so hard. I will never forget when I was going through somthing hard, scary, and unfair and my mom gave me such comfort in her words. She said "If it is meant to be, nothing will stop it from happening". It seemed simple but at my time it seemed to bring an answer and comfort to my trial. You are loved and thought of so much. Terri
Char... I think of you every day right now.
I failed to mention to you that I added your name to the prayer roll friday while in the temple. Know that I love you and have really enjoyed getting to know you.
After seeing you friday...adn seeing Easton and how sad he was broke my heart. I loved Terri's message to you because it was simple, and true. But remember dinner, and babysitting is how we show you how much we care!
You are in my prayers.
Rockelle
I love you Char! I have actually been thinking about you for awhile and feeling like I needed to check up on you. I can't imagine how hard this is. I am amazed at your faith and will pray for you and your family. We love you guys!
Dear, dear Char. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. You have always struck me as a woman of faith who is full of love. Your example of faith at this trying time is a strength to us all as we, too, experience heartbreak for you and your beautiful family.
Thank you for being a light in my life. I hope that you can feel how many of us love you and are praying for you right now. I pray that you will be well, and that no further danger will come to you.
Even after all this time, love you.
Charlyn,
I am so sorry to hear about this hard time in your life....when my mom told me I cried for you. I know how devestating a blow like this can be. YOu have this incredible hope and happiness that wasn't there before only to have it snatched out from under you. You feel like you have been kicked hard in the face and you can't breathe. But Charlyn, there will be happiness and laughter in your life again I promise. I don't know why things like this happen and no one who hasn't experienced a loss of pregnancy can say "I understand" or "I know how you must feel" because well they don't. Yesterday was the 4 year annivesary of my 2nd misscarriage and no one remembers but me and the Lord. But he does remember and Knows of your heartache. Who knows why this happened to you? We may never know in this lifetime. But I believe that it is because that special little spirit only needed to receive his precious little body and you are the righteous vessel that could do that for him/her. This is the only thing that brought me peace to get through 3 lost pregnancies.
I love you, and call me if you need to talk to anyone. (1 801 390 3823) Hug Easton a lot it will help.
Love,
Jamie
ps know it is okay to laugh again...it will help.
Char, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were going through this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that the Lord will bless you and your sweet family with the peace that you need at this time.
You're in my prayers. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
Kimberly
Oh, Char. I don't know what to say. You will definately be in my prayers for sure. I'm in WA now so am close to you if you need a friend or some help. Please let me know. I love you.
Char,
I'm so proud of you for talking about it. I'm sure it must be tough to put your heart on your sleeve and let your friends and family know but I'm sure there will be lots and lots more prayers offered for you and your sweet family.
How I wish I was there to dry your tears and give you a giant hug only a sister can give! I'm so grateful you have Derek and Easton to take care of you! You are an incredible family and just look at how many people love you--you are amazing! And through this experience you will have so much more empathy for others in similar situations. Sometimes life stinks but it will pass!! I KNOW the Lord loves you and pray he will pour out his spirit and choicest blessings on you!!
Char- I am so sorry for your loss. I know that it can be so disappointing and so hard. I know that you are/will handle it with the grace of one who can learn the lesson. Just remember that Heavenly Father lets things happen..not always causing it or wanting it to be so. I know that he has blessings beyond measure for your family just around the corner.
I love you. You inspire me. Your family is constant in my prayers. What more can I say...I'm here for you my friend.
My heart broke when Derek told us last night, and it broke even further to see his tears. My tears were for you too and prayers since we found out are for your family often. I know a little of your loss but no ones understanding makes up for the hurt, I know. All our love!
Losing a baby is so hard! It's one of the hardest experiences that I've ever had to go through. I'm not sure if you knew that I had a miscarriage about 4 1/2 years ago. I also have a sister-in-law that has had two ectopic pregnancies. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair at all. I'll be thinking and praying for you. Hang in there.
Kristy
I am so sorry Charlyn. I read your post yesterday and can't stop thinking about you. You are in my prayers.
As ususal (even in times of crisis) we are playing phone tag! Don't give up on me... I haven't given up on you!
I wish I was there to cry with you and help ease your pain. You are so strong and will come out better. We are fighters, it's a family trait. Rely on the the Savior, I know the He will carry you through the toughest days.
I think and pray for you every day. There aren't words to express my great love and adoration for you little sis. Give Derek my love, I know this is hard on him too.
Talk to you soon! XOXOXOXO ~Mel
I'm so sorry too. Your Mom updated me on the situation. Here is a big hug from your Aunt Debbie in Utah!
I have been wanting to somehow let you know that we were thinking of you. I know everyone has been calling and checking on you, but we didn't want to be a bother. Dave is coming up next week, I wish I could go with Him! If you don't mind, I think He will try to stop by. If you need anything let us know! We love you! Can't wait til you get here!
Char,
I just want to let you know that we love you and are praying for your peace and comfort to uplift you through each day.
Love,
Leslie
If we still lived in the same state, I would bring you a big mac from the McDee's. (do you still heart them?) We would talk a lot, cry a lot, and laugh a lot. And you wouldn't have to be strong about this, because lets face it your little heart is aching. I love and miss you all. Wishing the very best for you and yours.
Hey girlie,
Words can’t express the pain you must be dealing with, and words can’t express the feelings of love that I have in my heart for you and your family right now... I have never understood why this type of experience has to be here in our mortal world, even after a devastating miscarriage of our own 3 years ago, I still don’t understand... but the only way we all can get through this is TRUSTING in the Lord... You will never forget this, i still think of that day every year and often. With having our little one now, I often think of how ours would be almost three and they could be such buddies, and you too will always have these feelings... What brings me peace is that I know he/she is in Heaven watching over our little family and one day we will be re-united and what a glorious day that will be for all of us that have been given this trial in our lives… Too finally be able to embrace that precious little one waiting up above for us… I know nothing I can say will help your aching heart, but I just want you to know my heart and tears and prayers are with you and your family... Let the Lord heal the wounds that you have… You will always have the scars but someday it won’t hurt as bad... Much love to you and your choice family...
love always,
haley
Char I have been thinking about you so much lately. You have been in my prayers and everyone elses. I just want you to know how much I love you. I wish so bad that I could have come with mom and dad to visit you guys. I look up to you so much sis! You are one of the strongest people I know and I love you so so much.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I want you to know that you are in our prayers and we love you.
Char--are you alive? Worried about you and thinking of you!!!
I'm sorry...I love you...it hurts to lose a baby...I'm thinking of you!
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